The 8 Baby Things I Actually Recommend
And the answers to two of the questions I get asked the most, for those of you who are not in a baby phase.
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Babies are intimidating little creatures. The newborn days, in particular, seem to require a significant amount of gear, and I know I was totally overwhelmed by all of the things everyone swore we needed. But here’s the thing: Much like how you have a kitchen full of random cooking gear that you never/very rarely use (avocado slicer, I’m thinking of you), a lot of baby stuff is totally unnecessary, which I found out the hard, expensive way.
I had kids on the later side—the first one at 38, the second at 39—and one of the good things about this schedule is that lots of my extremely intelligent, informed, and outrageously picky friends had already gone through this process, and so I was the beneficiary of a tremendous amount of advice on what to buy and what to skip*. I also feel like my own parental boot camp of having two babies in 22 months also lends me a certain perspective, but that’s just me.
Below, please find my own edited and curated list. As always, nothing is essential, but I hope that it helps you or someone you know. And if you don’t have any interest in this subject matter, no worries—just skip to the bottom for a bit of non-baby content.
*The product that was most contentious? A wipe dispenser that warmed them up. One friend said absolutely not; the kid will get used to it and then freak out when you have to change them on the go and the wipe is not warm. Another said it makes them happy, and trust me—you need all the little wins you can get. We tried both ways, but frankly, decanting wipes into a dispenser was simply one step further than I wanted to go most of the time, and things worked out just fine anyway. I find this to be true of most parenting things; everyone should do what works for them!
BABY ESSENTIALS
1. The Monitor for Anxious Parents
If I could only recommend one thing, it would be the Miku monitor. Like many parents, I had a really hard time sleeping when both of my children were babies because I was deeply afraid of SIDS. This monitor tracks the baby’s breathing, and if anything is amiss, it will sound an alarm. It connects to an app on your phone and also tracks the baby’s breathing patterns, sleep data, and even the temperature and humidity in the room. My youngest, Wilder, is 2, and we still use it for every nap and at night as well.
You think all baby pajamas are the same? Think again, my friend. There are a million styles, but for my money, there is only one you want in those early days: a zipper footie with fold-over mittens. We didn’t have help with either baby, and trust me when I say you do not want to be fumbling with a million snaps after a 3 a.m. feeding. The mitts fold back so that the baby can use their hands during the day, and then pull them down at night to prevent face scratching. (My children loved to scratch their faces in the night and wake themselves up; I was less into this choice, for a variety of reasons.) There are a slew of brands that do this well. I like the L’ovedBaby organic ones, which come in a bunch of colors including my favorite: black.
Whether it’s a Snuggle Me Organic or a DockATot, I really enjoyed having one of these loungers for my kids. I’m not going to lie: In the beginning, I didn’t understand why you would need one of these things. Then, I realized that it’s basically a wee portable bed for the baby so that they can hang on your bed when you’re watching Netflix or on the couch when you’re watching Netflix, or wherever you watch Netflix. Netflix, Netflix, Netflix.
4. The Changing Pad/Scale That Helps Your Sleep-Deprived Brain
It’s not horribly ugly, and it’s both a changing pad that you can easily wipe down AND a scale. If you’re worried the baby isn’t eating enough, you can weigh them before feeding, and then weigh after so you know they’re actually ingesting, which is nice if you’re paranoid and/or a Virgo.
There’s also a great app that allows you to track diapers and feeding and sleep, which is helpful because I was so tired and would forget when I’d done stuff. I also appreciated having all that data stored in one place, especially when we went to the doctor and were asked all the normal questions—like how many diapers we were changing daily and how many ounces or minutes the baby was eating—and I would never be able to remember on the spot. With this changing pad/scale/app, you have all that info a click away.
While I doubt the whale bathtub is the minimalist dream product to go with your Scandi-inspired home, I cannot pretend this thing isn’t helpful. You can use it right when the baby comes home from the hospital through when they can sit up independently, which is just easy and wonderful. And if your children are anything like mine, once they get a little older, they will demand that you relocate it to your backyard so they can turn it into a water toy.
6. The Best Baby Toy That’s Useful for Their Entire First Year
I’m going to start with a disclosure: I love this company. It sent me The Play Gym for my oldest, Clark, and we fell in love. Most of these activity gyms are hard on the eyes, but this one is charming and aesthetically pleasing. Clark loved it so much, it’s crazy. We passed it along to another family, but when we realized there was another kid on the way, we bought a second one, and she loved it just as much.
Everything Lovevery makes is brilliant. Its Play Kits are my number one gift recommendation for expecting parents, and it makes sets that work up to age 3. While the Play Kits are technically a subscription gift, you can cancel if it doesn’t work for you, and there are some one-off options too, like The Block Set, which my kids are still deeply enamored with.
We went through a variety of bottle warmers over the last few years, but the Baby Brezza one has lasted the longest and been very reliable. It works with a variety of bottle types and sizes, and I’ve used it to thaw frozen breast milk in a pinch, warm up baby food in a glass jar, and take the chill off straight-from-the-fridge milk for my toddler.
8. The Book That Entertains Both You and Them
I adore books, but a lot of the books for kids are… annoying? Boring? Both? Especially when the kids really little. But! The Noisy Book is a winner as far as I’m concerned. My kids liked this when they were just babies because of the cute, big illustrations and the funny sounds we’d make when reading it to them. As they get older, they like to make the sounds too, and then they start reading the words. We read this book until it fell apart and we had to get a new one. It’s one of my favorite gifts. Trust me; buy this.
QUICK CHAT!
On Instagram this week, I asked if anyone had any questions they’d like me to answer here in the newsletter—kind of like a non-disappearing AMA?—and you sent in loads! How fun. My favorite one was for L.A. food recommendations (answers to come!), but I will start with two frequently asked questions.
Who makes your Apple Watch band?
I get this question all the time, so I had to start with it. I have the 41mm Gold Milanese Loop Band from Apple. My friend Eva Chen recommended it, and I have been extremely happy with it. I wear it 24/7 and do not change it out for exercise, though you totally could. I like that it’s gold, but not in a shouty way, and it totally works with my gold bracelets.
How do you heal after a friendship breakup?
Ooof, that is a hard one, my dear. I’ve gone through several painful ones over the last 20 years, and there’s something uniquely difficult about them. Because our society doesn’t value friendships the way it does romantic relationships—a huge miss, in my opinion—you’re in this strange limbo of being sad, but not given any proper grieving tools or accommodations. We know what to do when a friend gets dumped by their partner, but comforting someone who went through a friend breakup? We don’t really have a playbook for that.
Obviously, there are a wide range of scenarios that fall under this umbrella, and the way you handle a newer-friendship fallout is going to be different from the way you handle a breakup when you’ve been besties for decades. Also, I primarily address what helps if you are the one who was broken up with but want to acknowledge that it hurts being the one who decides to leave, too. Either way, here are some things that have helped me. (This probably goes without saying, but I am not a therapist, so please take any advice with a grain of salt. It might not work for you, and that’s okay!)
1. Feel your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with being sad. Sometimes we are our most authentic and vulnerable selves in our friendships (certainly the case for me in my 20s), and when someone really knows you and then decides they don’t want you in their life, it stings in a way a romantic breakup doesn’t always. This friendship meant something to you; it’s okay to mourn it. The folks who are telling you to “get over it; it’s just a friend,” are missing a sensitivity chip. I’m not saying dwell forever, but it’s okay if it takes a while to process what’s happened and to feel tender about it for a while.
2. Understand that you might not understand, and that’s okay. I had a friend break up with me for reasons I still do not comprehend, in no small part because they couldn’t articulate what was wrong. If someone doesn’t value you enough to explain what’s going on, they are not really your friend, and maybe the relationship wasn’t what you thought it was.
3. The only thing you can control is your own healing. I always want the why, but try to make peace with the fact that you will probably never get the real reason, and that’s okay. Sure, you’d like feedback so that you can make different choices going forward or be more self-aware, but don’t get hung up on getting an answer. They might not even truly know why they don’t want to be friends. So instead of focusing on understanding, I try to simply accept and move on. There are so many wonderful people out there who will love you just the way you are. Focus on finding them.
4. Cut them out. Everyone has different thoughts on this, but for me, the easiest way to move forward is to follow the old saying, out of sight, out of mind. Don’t follow them on social. Don’t make a bunch of plans with mutual friends with the secret intent of either fishing for info or subtly convincing everyone to take your side. Your former friend is dead to you, for now, or until it doesn’t sting anymore.
5. Live your beautiful life. Remember that living well is 10000% the best revenge—not that you were petty enough to even think about such a thing—and eventually you will get to a place of indifference, which is my preferred state when it comes to former friends.
As always, thank you for being here, and thank you for sticking around. If you have any questions or concerns, or want me to touch on any topics in particular, I’m all ears. Leave a comment on Hi Everyone’s Bulletin or DM me on Instagram—I’m @hillarykerr—my inbox is always open!
xxHillary