5 Things I Regret About My Wedding and How To Create The Perfect Wedding-Guest Outfit
Plus the one fabric you should always skip.
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Have you been thinking about weddings much lately? If the answer is yes, you’re not the only one. According to The New York Times, there will be more weddings in 2022—approximately 2.5 million!—than there have been in any year since 1984, which is exciting on a number of levels.
With this in mind, I figured I’d address a couple of topics in the wonderful world of weddings, both for the folks planning weddings and the people who have a bunch to attend this year. So in the first part of this newsletter, I’m going to share some of the things I still regret about my own wedding, five years later. Then a few notes on dressing for weddings as a guest, complete with a handful of my shopping suggestions. Sound good? Great. Let’s go!
PART ONE: Planning a Wedding? These Are the 5 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently.
First things first: I loved our wedding.
We took over the entire Colony Palms Hotel in Palm Springs—which was where my husband and I went on our first trip together—and turned the whole thing into a long-weekend camp for our nearest and dearest. The weather cooperated, the champagne flowed, and everyone was in wonderful spirits. I feel so incredibly lucky that we were able to have so many of our loved ones in one place and that things went so brilliantly.
That said, we had a couple of hiccups along the way, as to be expected. Like the fact that our guests were fixated on the doughnuts we planned to serve as dessert, which were beautifully arranged on a table for after-dinner munching. Apparently, people were worried that they wouldn’t get as many doughnuts as they desired, so everyone started taking them mid-meal, and by the time dinner was over, they had been 100% eaten!
Obviously, this is a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things and doesn’t matter at all. (I’m actually a little impressed that folks were so crafty, to be honest.) In fact, none of my regrets matter! But if you’re planning your own wedding, here are a few things that I would truly redo if given the chance.
Regrets
1. Not making a must-photograph shot list for friends and family.
Our wedding photographer did an excellent job with so much of the wedding, but I don’t have many pictures from that day with some of the most important people in my life, and it disappoints me to this day. I wish that I had taken the time to make a list of everyone I wanted pictures with and handed that over at the beginning of the weekend.
2. Not spending every moment with our guests.
On the actual day of the wedding, I stayed in my room, hidden away, pretty much all day, until the photos. Meanwhile, our friends and family had flown in from all over the country just for us, and I missed out on that time with them, and for what? Would the big reveal of me walking down the aisle have been lessened by seeing people earlier in the day in a totally different look? Highly unlikely.
3. Taking photos before the ceremony.
While I’m not much of a traditionalist, it turns out that I liked the idea of having my husband see me in my wedding dress for the first time when I was walking down the aisle. I knew that, but when the planning team pushed for us to do first-look photos and family photos before the ceremony—they were concerned about the light and trying to time everything; I don’t blame them for the suggestion—I just went along with it. The photos from those moments are not my favorite. We all felt and looked a little stiff, and it felt anticlimactic. Definitely one of my bigger mistakes.
4. Assuming that there was a universal understanding of what a wedding cake looked like.
A week before the wedding, I decided I wanted to have something to cut at the party, even though we weren’t doing a traditional cake and instead opting for the aforementioned doughnuts. We would have a small groom’s cake, I thought! Perfect.
I wanted a small chocolate cake with vanilla frosting from one of our favorite local bakers but neglected to be more specific because I just assumed all cakes are frosted in a standard way unless otherwise specified. I was wrong! We ended up with a naked cake—meaning one with minimal frosting on the outside—which surprised me and was definitely not what I had in mind. Again, this is not a big deal in the slightest, but trust me when I say you don’t want a moment of that weird sinking feeling that I got when I saw it for the first time at our wedding dinner.
5. My nails were an absolute afterthought.
I’ve never had particularly nice nails—save for my recent Gel-X extensions moment; totally worth it—and so I didn’t really think about this aspect of my beauty routine before my wedding, let alone realize how many photographs there would be of my hands. Two days before driving out to Palm Springs for the festivities, I picked a random gel polish that I’d never used before, on a recommendation from a friend who swore it was universally flattering. Turns out the color was great, but sadly not great on me, and I didn’t realize that in time to change it. Not sure why this detail escaped me, but as it was the only element of my beauty look that I didn’t plan ahead of time, nor love, and it still annoys a tiny piece of my brain.
PART TWO: Attending a Wedding? Some Things To Think About When Putting Together Your Look.
There is little I love more than decoding the requested attire on a wedding invitation—what in the world does “dressy casual” even mean?—and creating the perfect outfit for it. Aside from the dress code, I always try to determine as much information as possible ahead of time. Things to consider: location, time of day, season, access to a steamer, ground covering, potential weather changes, and the right fabric for all of these situations.
More specifically, these are some questions I run through before making any decisions: Will humidity be a factor? What about sweat? Will I need layers? What styles make sense for that time of year? Will I travel with a steamer, or will there be one at the hotel? Is the event on grass? Pebbles? Wood? That impacts the shoes. Will the temperature be the same the whole time? Is outerwear required? Is the fabric correct for the season, occasion, and time of day? Because I don’t want to see cotton jersey at an evening wedding. (Or any wedding, for the most part.)
From there, I also think about the overall wedding photos. If there is a group shot, is the color of my outfit going to steal focus? Am I trying too hard? I know it can be difficult not to be a little extra if you know someone you adore—or despise!—is going to be in attendance (and I for sure have gone over-the-top in the past), but a little restraint is never a bad thing. Also, this should go without saying, but no white, cream, champagne, or bone, please. It’s one event; just play it safe, and don’t wear anything super light in color.
Some options I like:
So one super-simple style that’s available at a wide range of prices, materials, lengths, and colors is the ’90s-inspired slip or cami dress, which I like because you can style it in a zillion ways for practically endless occasions, meaning you’ll get a lot of wear out of it. (The Row’s version is stunning, bananas expensive, and perfect if you’re wildly wealthy.)
Generally speaking, I think silk is the ideal material for this dress silhouette, and while more of an investment, Nili Lotan's Cami Gown is lovely. Another option is Anine Bing’s take on the slip dress; the gold chain on the straps is a lovely detail, and you could style this for just about any season, depending on your accessories and outerwear. Don’t care for a black dress? How about navy or coffeeberry, perhaps? As for the length, I like a midi or longer, personally, as they seem most wedding appropriate.
Like the ’90s but not a slip dress? How about Reformation’s ’90s-inspired midi dress instead? I like it because it’s not instantly identifiable, plus the silhouette is subtly chic, and the crêpe material is pretty agnostic.
Okay, the color here might steal a little focus, but there’s something incredibly charming about this open-back midi dress with a bow. Very feminine, but not fussy, and excellent for a city wedding. I have mentioned this one before but am still in love with Cult Gaia’s Muna Dress, which is an unexpected color and features an off-the-shoulder bustier top, which I am always drawn to.
Do you like Bridgerton but think it feels a bit fussy for your real life? I do too. Which is why I love this Self-Portrait dress, which is romantic and has sleeves, but isn't twee.
There’s this full-skirted, cross-back-strap dress from Philosophy di Lorenzo Serafini that I think about a lot. They’ve done it in several colors, and I just saw that there’s a sunny yellow iteration, which is pretty heavenly. It’s also available in black, which is probably what I’d end up buying, let’s be honest. It’s still pretty great. (I still dream of the green floral version. Alas.)
I’d also like to point out the obvious, which is that you probably already have something in your closet that will work. Sometimes all you need is an interesting accessory to spruce things up. Not to talk about Cult Gaia again, but the brand is making so many fun clutches like the EOS Clutch, which is wonderfully odd; the shell-like Nala Mini Clutch; and the Pearl Bag, which really delights me.
As always, thank you for being here, and thank you for sticking around. If you have any questions or concerns, or want me to touch on any topics in particular, I’m all ears. Leave a comment on Hi Everyone’s Bulletin or DM me on Instagram—I’m @hillarykerr—my inbox is always open!