4 Tricks for Finding Your Dream Wedding Dress

Everything I learned the hard way. Plus a question + some recommendations!

Welcome back to Hi Everyone. I’m so glad you’re here! If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing this newsletter. (Forward to a friend! Share on social! Whatever’s clever! Just know it is appreciated.) Also, FWIW, all products mentioned are independently chosen, and some may be affiliate links. Your support is appreciated!

Hi everyone! It’s officially February, which means that engagement season—that special time of year between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day when your IG feed is populated with “We did a thing!” posts—is almost over. Recently, I’ve received a slew of inquiries from the newly engaged who are starting to have questions about wedding dresses. As you know, I’m here to help, so today, we’re going to tackle that topic, but first a disclaimer.

I was a bad bride.

While I adore other people’s weddings and very much love being married to my husband, I never imagined a future that involved a big white dress. And to be clear, it’s not because I thought I was too cool for the institution of marriage. I just really liked my unmarried life and didn’t know if I would be compelled to change that. Plus, marriage seemed like something you couldn’t control, work toward, or plan for—the way you would for your career, for example—and I didn’t want to be disappointed if that aspect of my life didn’t work out.

So when I found myself betrothed and needed to plan a wedding in approximately 11 months, I was slightly apathetic about the process and had no idea where to begin. One thing became clear immediately: I didn’t want to go the traditional route with a dress from a big bridal retailer. I have several friends who had terrible experiences with these stores and ended up wearing a random dress on their wedding day because of some manufacturing mishap, and that just seemed like a vibe I wanted to avoid.

I also didn’t want to spend a lot of time picking the dress. If you have dreamed of gathering your friends and trying on a million dresses while drinking champagne, that is wonderful, and I hope you get that experience. But if you, like me, just want to be super efficient, then hopefully this will help. Or at least point you in the right direction.

1. Pick your wedding location or venue before you shop.

Stylistically speaking, the location of your wedding influences everything else, so I wouldn’t even bother thinking that much about dresses until you have your venue sorted. If that seems like odd advice, consider the following: The vibe of a city hall wedding in Chicago is going to be quite different than a beach wedding on Lanai, and an outdoor wedding in Santa Barbara might call for something less formal than a formal church wedding in Boston.

Is it possible that your dream dress will resonate in any of these locations? Sure, in theory. But thinking through things like the climate and whether you’re walking on sand versus marble floors is probably going to impact your dress pick. It will certainly influence your shoes!

2. Focus on the silhouettes you already know and love.

There is an antiquated notion that you have to try on a million dresses to find The One and that you’ll be so surprised by the one you pick. Sure, maybe that was true in the past, but in this day and age, people are much more educated about their personal style and what they like.

In my humble opinion, if you want to be comfortable on your wedding day, stick to a style that you already know you like. If you’re desperate to experiment with a different silhouette, maybe try that for the engagement party (if you have one; I didn’t), rehearsal dinner, or after-party dress, all of which are emotionally and mentally lower stakes.

Again, this isn’t to yuck anyone’s yum. If trying on an entire bridal emporium’s worth of gowns sparks joy for you, go for it! But if you’re trying to make decisions efficiently, this will help narrow things down immediately.

3. Start with designers you already appreciate.

As I mentioned earlier, I had a pretty narrow focus when it came to designers. In fact, I only tried on dresses from three brands I already admired: Oscar de la Renta, Vivienne Westwood, and Reem Acra. For ODLR, I went to a bridal trunk show at the West Hollywood store; for Westwood, I stopped by the London HQ when I was in town for London Fashion Week; and for Reem Acra, I tried on three dresses from the Fall 2016 collection and ended up wearing the look I had initially liked best on Style.com.

During my dress process, I discovered other brands I liked as well, such as the French designer Delphine Manivet (I wore one of her dresses to my rehearsal dinner), Toni Maticevski (an Australian designer, who is brilliant), and if Danielle Frankel had been open for business back then, I definitely would have paid her a visit.

It’s also worth noting that there are so many amazing ready-to-wear designers who are doing some version of bridal now, like Brandon Maxwell (I wore a dress of his for the party portion of our wedding), Roksanda, Alex Perry, and Emilia Wickstead. Or you could do what some of my chic friends have done and simply wear a white or light-colored look you like from a designer’s ready-to-wear collection.

I can hear it now: But Hillary, if you work in fashion, this makes sense, but what if I don’t know which designers I like?

Totally get it. If you’re not a fashion person and are still figuring out designers and brands, all it will take is a little homework. Since I felt very unfamiliar with the wedding world, I spent a fair amount of time looking at @vogueweddings, as I figured the people featured have already done the hard work for me. (It’s a great reference for all vendors, not just wedding dresses. I got so many ideas for everything from invitations to flower arrangements to photographers.)

Also, not to sound too stalk-y, but if you admire the taste of someone who recently got married and discussed it on social media or had their wedding covered by a publication, I would definitely pore over their content and see what resonates with you. Another way to reverse engineer this is to pick a venue, pop over to its social media, and search its tagged photos to see if there have been any other weddings there. Usually, you’ll find posts from wedding planners with lots of details, including who designed the bride’s dress.

4. Spend your time wisely.

If you don’t have favorite designers or silhouettes, and you’re the sort of person who likes an in-person experience, there are better boutique experiences today than I had access to five years ago. While I didn’t personally work with LOHO Bride, I think it’s a brilliant business and love the founder’s curation and point of view. It’s significantly chicer than the traditional bridal boutique. And I’m guessing you already know Bhldn, but it’s still worth mentioning as a resource. Though a little more traditional, it has a pretty extensive assortment, many size-inclusive options, and a whole section for the “last-minute bride” that are in stock and ready to ship.

Also, if you have the means and want the guidance, I think the idea of a wedding stylist is really quite brilliant. My brilliant friend Karla Welch—who is a major stylist with clients like Tracee Ellis Ross and Hailey Bieber—has an incredible online styling company called Wishi, and you can book wedding styling that way, with pricing starting under $100! I also love Cynthia Cook’s work; she’s a former Vogue editor who has a deeply chic bridal styling business. She’s responsible for all of the looks Bumble founder and CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd wore for her Positano wedding and is a wonderful human all around.

QUICK CHAT!

Okay, that was a lot of bridal stuff, and I know not everyone who reads this is currently looking for a dress, so let’s talk about some more universal crowd-pleasers.

Watch: Have you watched Yellowjackets on Showtime yet? Yes, I know I’m late, but after two very smart friends texted me to see if I had started it yet, I finally took the plunge. So here’s the thing: I find it wildly scary and suspenseful (yes, these are two different emotions), but I am loving it so far in no small part because half of the show is set in 1996 and the music is just AMAZING. When “Today” by Smashing Pumpkins gets a big placement in episode one, I’m all in.

So how am I watching this show as a person who found Pretty Little Liars frightening? Well, I have developed some coping mechanisms.

1. I try to watch as soon as my kids are asleep, which then gives me time to cool off before bed. Because there’s nothing worse than watching something terrifying and then immediately trying to go to sleep.

2. I have some post-show self-care steps I take. For example, I chase Yellowjackets with an episode of Emily in Paris or will spend 45 minutes reading a v. chill book. (Right now, I’m reading the second novel in the novel in the Bridgerton series ahead of the new season, and it’s just delightful. Also, over 25,000 people have given it a four- or five-star rating. How could I resist?)

Read: BookTok told me to buy Other People’s Clothes by Calla Henkel, and it finally arrived. I know very little about it other than it looks good, The New York Times seems into it, and I’m a sucker for books about female friendships, especially the complicated ones.

I also just got The Mothers by Brit Bennett (who wrote The Vanishing Half, which I very much liked). Next up, I have to get Crying in H Mart, which I got a zillion recommendations for when I did my last IG book giveaway.

Shop: I’m slowly starting to think about shopping for real life again, and there’s a green Cult Gaia dress that I have absolutely no place to wear but is hanging out in my cart nonetheless. I recently interviewed Sarah Staudinger, the founder/designer of cult-favorite brand Staud, for the Who What Wear podcast (episode coming soon), and of course, as I was doing research on her recent collections, I decided I needed one of her vegan-leather skirts, so that happened.

I have also decided that after not wearing a single pair of jeans in at least five years—probably more, TBH—it is time to wade back into the denim pool. So riddle me this: If you were me and had ignored the wild world of jeans for half a decade and were thinking about dabbling again, what jeans would you recommend? If you would be so kind as to leave a brand/exact style in the comments below, I would be forever in your debt. And yes, I’m gonna do a story on it for this newsletter! So far there have been lots of recommendations for AGOLDE '90s Pinch Waist Jeans, Mother The Tomcat Jeans, Re/Done Stove Pipe Jeans, Madewell The Perfect Vintage Straight-Leg Jeans, Zara Mom Fit Jeans, and of course Levi's 501 Jeans.

(Couldn't write about wedding dresses and not show my own.)

As always, thank you for being here, and thank you for sticking around. If you have any questions or concerns, or want me to touch on any topics in particular, I’m all ears. Leave a comment on Hi Everyone’s Bulletin or DM me on Instagram—I’m @hillarykerr—my inbox is always open!