10 Female-Gaze Valentine's Day Gifts That Center You, Not Them.
Including the modern roll-down pant of my dreams + the queer romcom you need to read.
Valentine’s Day? Couldn’t care less. Actually? It gives me the ick. Truly a holiday that only factors into my life because I am legally required (ahem: put pressure on myself) to organize cards for my kids to take to school. Otherwise, I give it no thought.
Just kidding, I have thoughts.
One of the many reasons why I’m a V-Day refusenik is because it feels so performative, so stereotypical, and so male-gaze centered. I think part of my aversion is because of how it played out when I was in high school and college. I grew up in a small, conservative suburb of San Diego and went to a large, conservative college in Los Angeles, and most of the folks I know from the first half of my life are more trad. In the ‘90s and ‘00s, there was a fair amount of pressure to have a specific sort of Valentine’s Day, and that involved looking “hot” for “your man” and you would be rewarded with some sort of expensive gesture or experience which would be processed and/or discussed publicly. There was no agency for you, as a woman, and if you didn’t elicit the right male response, you would feel embarrassed. This is how my peers competed, via a public display of not even love, but perceived value from a man.
You see why I’m grumpy?
But also, I have a contrarian streak, am a romantic who loves love, and to be perfectly honest, someone who has the shoppies right now. (Lauren Sherman of Line Sheet coined that term as far as I’m concerned, and it’s perfect. It’s fun to say. Try it: shoppies. Just fun!) So, to subvert the dominant paradigm—slightly, because LBH: shoppies are a cutesy form of capitalism—I decided to make a female-gaze gift guide. You know: Lovely things for you, because no one needs a man, or anyone, to validate their worth or make them feel a way on Valentine’s Day.
Edie Parker Spotted Catchall ($195) in Cherry
Long ago, I found myself besotted with Edie Parker’s custom acrylic clutches, which have always felt so cheeky and smart, and I’ve loved watching the brand’s evolution over the years, which founder Brett Heyman and I discussed on her episode of Second Life once upon a time ago. So it’s probably no surprise that I’m also a huge fan of the brand’s phenomenal home decor delights, including my newest baby: The Spotted Catchall, in transparent pink acrylic with delicious red polka dots.
If you caught my IGS about it the other day, I didn’t read the dimensions, so I was surprised with the size (it’s 12.5” x 8.5” and weighs almost five pounds!), but in a delightful way. Also available in five other opaque and translucent colorways, the catchall instantly elevates any tabletop, and is the perfect way to organize all the stuff that I always find on my nightstand. Mine currently holds a pair of classes, some of the “treasures” my daughter has collected and insists live next to my bed, my rings, a hair clip, and more. It would also be amazing on a front entry table for holding your keys and sunglasses.
Negative Whipped Roll Down Pants ($190)
Do you remember the hold that low-rise, fold-over, flared yoga-style pants had on us in the early aughts? All the cool girls wore them, usually from the brands Solow or Hard Tail, probably with platform Rocket Dogs, if memory serves.
I had not considered this style in what feels like one hundred thousand years, but then the beloved brand Negative decided to make a pair of roll-down pants, using my favorite fabric, and I’m hooked. (Yes, I write about my hyperfixation with their slightly sheer long-sleeve t-shirt in black a lot, as it’s maybe the best thing I bought last year, plus the undies are just divine.)
These extraordinarily soft and comfortable pants are the epitome of divine loungewear: Heavenly handfeel, customizable waist depending on how you fold it, and the little flare is fun too. You will adore them as much as I do, I promise. One thing: Because they’re made from that same amazing, slightly sheer fabric, for me, they are not for the streets. But you do you, friend. As always, I take a medium and in black, ofc.
Crown Affair Hydrating and Volumizing Shampoo & Conditioner ($68 for a set of two)
I always keep an eye on the great haircare brand Crown Affair, in part because they make my favorite styling product (the Texturizing Air Dry Mousse, which is a game changer) and the brand’s dry shampoo is the only one I will use.
So when I saw that Crown Affair launched two brand new shampoo and conditioner formulas, I was intrigued, and then after using all four, elated. The brand previously had offered one shampoo and conditioner, which I liked very much, though to my mind, was really formulated for folks who wash their hair less frequently than I do. (Do I overwash? Maybe, but that’s another convo for another time.)
The new formulas are phenomenal, in part because of the incredibly thoughtful education that Crown Affair has produced for the rollout. If you click into the product description, on the left side of the page, there’s a flowchart of how to determine which shampoo and conditioner are right for you, and when they are right for you.
Maybe I’m alone here, but much like how I vary my skincare routine based on how my skin is doing on a daily basis, I also need to adjust my haircare routine based on how often I’m washing it, how dry or oily it is, and what my end goal is for styling. I don’t need a daily volumizing product, but I really like one if I’m going to heat style my hair, which I do once or twice a week. I love a hydrating product otherwise, but sometimes they can be too heavy for my fine hair. Which is why I love love love the options Crown Affair is giving us and the clear education on how and when to mix and match shampoo and conditioner based on your issues and/or desires. Brilliant.
Also, as someone who is sadly unable to read labels in the shower (ah, the joys of needing glasses), I love that Crown Affair has made it really easy to identify the shampoo vs the conditioner, and the volumizing looks different than the hydrating, so I can easily figure out which bottle is which. This seems like a small thing, but sadly it’s not.
And finally, the formulas are great. I have been using some combination of the two shampoos and two conditioners for the last couple of weeks, and I’m honestly thrilled. Because let’s be honest: When you feel good about your hair, you feel good. And when you feel good, you do more good things. Go go gadget virtuous circle.
Clare V Grande Fanny Bag ($385)
Now that I work for a British company, “fanny bag” has a whole new meaning for me, but IDC because I also embrace big minge energy. But that’s neither here nor there! You know what’s sexy to me? Competence. And that’s what this three-bags-in-one style from Clare V brings my wardrobe. First of all, I adore a black and white bag (noted: this style comes in like 21 other color variations too). Secondly, I love that you can wear it as a cross body, typical shoulder bag, or you can wear it as the name suggests. It holds a surprising amount of stuff, is made of handwoven leather, and everyone knows cool girls wear Clare V. That’s just a fact.
Experienced by Kate Young ($18)
Do you need something charming, sexy, and delicious to read? Buy this book now. Just go. I’ll wait. Got it? Okay, it’s a romcom set in Bristol, England starring Bette, who didn’t realize she liked women until she was in her late 20s, and follows her dating life as she navigates relationships, both romantic and friendly. It’s just wonderful, steamy, messy, and absolutely the pocket of joy you need right now.
Rixo Peony Leopard Wool Cardigan ($325)
If you thought I was going to make it through a story without a leopard print piece…you haven’t met me. Part of the reason I’m so chatty about is because it’s hard to get right. I’ve seen so much terrible, horrible, very bad, no good leopard in my time, so when a brand gets it right, I have to shout about it. And shouting I am! This cardi is beautifully cut—not too boxy, not too shrunken—the animal print is subtle, and it works as both a solo piece or layered over a thin t-shirt. It feels timeless, classic, and French in all the right ways. No regrets!
Vyrao The Six Pack Discovery Set ($55)
One of my early fashion career crushes was on the wildly creative and cool Yasmin Sewell (her episode of Second Life was truly a dream), and when she launched her IYKYK new genre of fragrance brand, I knew it was going to be influential. I often wear Vyrao’s Georgette, which is a rose, pink pepper, and woodsy tobacco delight, but recently I found myself wanting to switch things up. Vyrao’s now offering a six-pack of mini fragrances for your testing pleasure, and there’s something really incredible about changing up my scent on a more regular basis. Even better; most of the scents can be mixed, matched, and layered with other Vyrao fragrances so you can truly make something custom for yourself. Love!
The High Confectionary Anytime Gummies ($55) in Passion Fruit Plum
To be perfectly clear, I have ordered these gummies, but I haven’t had them yet. However! I feel quite optimistic about them because they’re offering a microdose of 1 mg of THC per gummy, which means you can calibrate your desired vibe and Thing Testing (a site I love) seems to really adore them! Low-dose THC can be really helpful in turning down your internal anxiety dial, and unlike with alcohol, you don’t get a hangover. Would I like to be organically zen? Sure, but until I figure that out, I am down to try these microdose gummies. And one last thing: The company was founded by a woman, which is always nice to note!
Hanni Good Aura Weightless Body Oil ($34)
Dry winter skin is my nemesis, and makes me feel so dang gross. And itchy. And annoyed. And I have enough things in my life that are bringing that energy to my life, I don’t need my skin to be an additional one. Hence why I’m really quite thrilled about my newest Hanni love, the brand’s Good Aura Weightless Body Oil. I know I talk about the brand’s The Fatty moisture stick a lot, as it’s literally changed my disgusting feet for the better, but lately I’ve been quite into the body oil as a part of my winter skincare layering process.
I want to note that I’m a longtime body oil lover, even though my drugstore go-to stained the fabric seats in my 1996 Jeep Cherokee that I drove for the better part of two decades. But I mostly liked it for the glow, not for the actual moisturizing properties, and it never really made my skin feel nourished. This body oil from Hanni is a revelation: Never greasy, actually locks in moisture, and also yes, the glow is real. The perfect accompaniment to your everything shower.
Else Lolita Underwire Bra ($120)
Let’s get this out of the way: The name is bad, but the bra is very very good. As longtime readers know, I pretty much swore off underwire bras early in my first pregnancy and only wore Top Secret’s Prop Top Bralette ($44) for the better part of seven years. (I wore a large whilst pregnant and breastfeeding, and wear a medium today). Then I discovered Doen’s Idalia Bra ($124), which became my new go-to underwire, and one of my no-regrets purchases of 2024.
I am happy to say that my bra drawer is now officially expanding again with this incredibly well-fitting bra from LA’s Else, which was founded by Ela Onur, who manufactures the brand in Istanbul in an atelier with female artisans. Normally I favor more balconette styles, but this bra is incredibly comfortable, plus my standard size (34C) fit perfectly, which is not always a given. It’s also really supportive and is unobtrusive under clothes, which makes it surprisingly versatile. I’m so obsessed, I’m already considering another style, The Betty.
PS: Just a final reminder that you have until February 8th to use HILLARY15 on Rare Beauty’s website for a 15% discount on purchases over $30. Again, I love the All Of The Above Weightless Shadow Sticks ($22), especially in Contentment, which is a rose taupe that lightly gives me old school Stila Kitten vibes, but more grounded, and Adventure, which is a delicious bronze that’s great for evening but can be blended for daytime too. And I remain a fiend for the brand’s Soft Pinch Tinted Lip Oil ($22) which is incredibly moisturizing and gives you a long-lasting hint of tint. I went back and bought another tube of Joy, and also Happy, which might be the perfect your-lips-but-better/what I’d want to wear as a bride color for me.
Okay friends, that’s it for now. If you want to follow me on @hillarykerr, I’d love it. And if you have anything to say or ask (preferably nothing terribly mean), please drop me a note either via DM or in the comments below.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this post. I’m truly so glad you’re here. If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing this newsletter. (And if you have the time to like it, that would mean a lot to me!) All products mentioned are independently chosen, and some may be affiliate links. Your support is appreciated.
My absolute favorite part of Sunday is getting to sit down with my coffee and read your newsletter, Hillary, and a list of items I actually want to get *myself* as a little treat for Valentine’s Day? Absolute perfection!
“You know what’s sexy to me? Competence”
I feel so seen with this! Thank you, Hillary!